The Sept. 12th hash was live-hared by an eager-to-perform-a-full-body-exam, Necrotizing
Haciitis, dressed in his finest lab jacket and equipped with an icy cold
stethoscope. His co-hare was the fleet-footed
Superhole who through careful planning was able to obtain a nearly 4:1 wanker
to bimbo ratio. Although scheduled for
6:30 p.m. the hares didn’t actually depart until 7:15 as they needed to wait for three slacker
hashers from the Eugene kennel bearing gifts of beer. By the time the hares actually did depart,
there were in total 11 hashers. Chomping
at the bit, Coco and Snatch Snatcher took off and were not seen again until the
first alcohol check. Our first casualty
was Crusty Trombone who within the first block had
fallen and severely hurt his leg due to not being accustomed to the rather treacherous
obstacles of curbs and sidewalks. The
others included Hannabil Licked Her, Shaft Impact-her, Eggnog Cum Shot, Copafeelya,
new cummer Whiffle from somewhere near the Mason Dicks-on Line, Just Jim, and
your scribe Namron (a fellow new cummer.) The non-racists moseyed into the alcohol check to find
a bottle of warm tequila awaiting. It
was passed around at least 3 times but seeing as though we had failed to take
our skirts off, over 90% remained. As we
were suffering through the tequila Hannabil Licked her and Shaft Impact-her regaled us with stories of Hannibil’s private parts being akin to the
University of Phoenix in that all applicants get accepted. She also informed us that the smaller, more
elite university just behind the U of Phoenix was harder to get into than
Oxford. Snatch Snatcher’s shiggy
shagging exploits were also briefly touched upon as was Whiffle's bloody good story about deep-throating a whiffle bat. As the hares set off, the remaining hashers
debated what to do with the nearly full bottle of tequila so Eggnog Cum Shot proposed that in order to placate the tree
gods of the hash, an offering should be made.
He proceeded to climb the largest oak tree in the area and deposit the
offering in a bird’s nest. The baby ospreys
were thrilled!
The second leg of the hash got a bit more complicated as Coco and Snatch
Snatcher got off route and ended up followed trail markings from the first leg. As a result the slow-walking Hannabil and Shaft ended up as FRBs. Since it had become dark and only
Eggnog Cum Shot was wise enough to bring a headlight, everyone agreed to head back to the
start. However, Copafeely reminded
us that we hadn’t found the beer check yet and the hares would certainly be
waiting there. So with visions of piss
poor cheap beer and urban shiggy we back-tracked and eventually found the hares
engaging in illicit acts in the dark.
At
the beer check the hare explained that when he had originally scouted
the area he was sure there was no chance of us finding markings from leg 1. However, between scouting and setting, the locals had set up a large chain-link fence to keep undesirables like meth-heads and hashers away. Kudos to the locals. After the beer check we couldn’t see shit from shigola so the third leg was scratched and
we all walked back to point A.
Unfortunately your scribe was unable to attend the circle/shenanigans
because he was over 3 hours late for his pizza delivery duty. Therefore all events recorded after this
point are purely of a second hand nature. The circle started rather dryly as darkness and low IQ worked against the
hashers who were unable to tap the keg.
Eventually Coco had an epiphany and by inserting the male part into the
female part got the liquids to flow. Backsliders, transplants, visitors, and of
course the hares were punished. Superhole wanted to assist the osprey chicks in
consuming the tequila but was unsuccessful in trying to convince Eggnog Cum Shot to go with her to retrieve it from the tree. Circle jerks,
orgies and other entertainment followed. Too bad
you weren’t there!!!!
The next hash will be hared by Eggnog or possibly Whiffle. More details to cum.
